Speluska's Blog

Read my mind

Words don’t have to be said to be understood


Those people who  repeatedly say »I love you«,

are good candidates for not telling the truth.

Words don’t have to be said to be understood,

and you  don’t have to act like Robin Hood.

All he did was look deeply into my eyes,

he was shaking and so we hugged,

we felt like being drugged.

I couldn’t eat when he was about to came and not even when he was leaving,

but yet I needed to continue with my living.

I don’t have to be with him or talk to him but he still knows how I feel,

this is true love, not an insane deal.

October 25, 2010 Posted by | Poetry | | 3 Comments

Create your life!

Did you miss me? I felt bad not writing anything new, but I have a lame excuse for you – I’ve been working most of the time lately… I felt pushed in all that, I hate not having any time to do things I want (even if that’s only doing sports and writing new posts and reading other blogs, spend some time with people I want…), there were just so many bad news according to the people I know and I felt depressed. Yeah, I have these periods once in a while. So when I came home from work all I wanted to do was to sleep and watch movies, just not to think too much. When I don’t have time to breathe I don’t feel good and who would change the way I feel if not me? I guess working seven days per week is too much for me. Now I’m going to have a short vacation in Italy where I’m meeting some people I met in Lisbon which will be supernice! What will happen after that?  I’m going to attend International debate seminar Slovenia, debating is my passion so I can’t wait to learn more about it! And I truly need to focus on my thesis and get it done. Than I want to go to study abroad, there are some problems with that but I guess the sky is the limit and staying in one place isn’t an option for me. Those things keep me going and they motivate me. What will happen next, where will I work etc…I think that if you follow your dreams it comes naturally…if not there is a big chance to end up as  miserable person unhappy with who they are and what they do. So it’s time for some changes! I have lost my smile for a while and I want it back! I’m not happy in the situation I’m in right now If I think carefully  the best time of my life was living in Lisbon with amazing people, completely independent…Sometimes family gives you more bad than good days and since I worry too much for me it’s better to be away from all that. Here I’m living with my relatives and that doesn’t suit me. And working with hypocrites as well. Sometimes I feel like I’m always in search of something.

I guess I’m not able to stay in situation that I feel not confident with and say “It’s life. Face it.”

For me it’s more like: “It’s my life. Create it!”

I came across with an option that seems perfect for me: studying from January to June in  Helsingør – Denmark at International people’s College. I have to think how I could reach that. The good thing is that it would cost me only 950 euros for accommodation, food and tuition fee… So as far as money is concerned there is no problem.

October 25, 2010 Posted by | Thoughts about life | , , , , | 1 Comment

I’m on my way to disappear

There is something I want you to know,

you can call it a stupid show.

All I have seen so far are affairs,

it seems like the only thing about what he cares.

Why can’t it be easy,

you always make me dizzy.

You make me want to run away,

so please stop asking me to stay.

When you are talking like a broken machine,

I feel like after eating in an awful school canteen.

From now on I just don’t care,

a happy face is all I’m gonna wear.

You can watch me disappearing in the night,

our love is not something for what I want to fight.

My heart is still,

my mind is clear,

I’m on my way to disappear.

October 3, 2010 Posted by | Poetry | , | 13 Comments

How do I release my soul?

Since I remember I loved to write. I wrote letters, notes, poems, posts, messages, emails…You name it – I wrote that. This June I wanted to write a story for kinds but then days passed and I missed the deadline. I never finished that story. I found it hard to do it, it just didn’t suit me. But according to poems – I just sit down and start writing, it’s like the hand is doing it and I don’t even realize what I wrote until I read it. Where does it come from? It’s just amazing. I wrote many poems for people I know, especially for birthdays and similar events. And than I read them in front of everyone invited. I did that ever since I was a little girl. I love standing in front of public and make them listen to me. I feel a little nervous first but then I forget about them, it’s just me and my mouth saying what my mind and my heart has to say.

Two years ago I became a member of debate club and debating helped me a lot to think about what I’m gonna say and to give proofs and arguments for supporting my words.

Recently I started a new job – mostly I’m doing workshops for pupils and secondary school students. Sometimes the whole hour I have with them seems like five minutes. If they don’t cooperate it seems ages – that’s for sure. But it’s what I like: to help people with my experiences and giving advises what to study etc. Of course I also have to present them our website and make them register to it, but since I believe that it’ll do them good that’s not a hard thing to do. Afterwords I have to do an interview with the dean – there are all sorts of them and it’s nice talking to many of them. I can’t wait to start writing articles for that website so my passion for writing can be expressed.

Anyway, last week a posted two poems on my blog: I told my self that it’s time to write a new post and I also wanted to drag a friend’s attention to write me back… So I posted it. And than I wrote another one. Than Jingle found me. Now I’m happier than ever. I always wanted to be a poet. I thought that I have to write the whole book of poems to become one. Now I just realised: I don’t need to be known to be a poet. I’m writing poems so this makes me a poet.

Yesterday I was searching for some documents and I found a poem, a poem which I wrote during my Erasmus period in Lisbon. I’ll type it for you guys to see it. I remember my portuguese flatmate trying to make a song out of it, he was playing on his guitar and singing lyrics of this poem while doing that.

October 3, 2010 Posted by | Poetry | , | 2 Comments